Changing Directions VIII

I got to Leann's and couldn't get my things out of the car fast enough.  I threw my bags over her balcony and climbed over; she must be in the shower.  Mya met me at the door and was as excited as ever, I started to call her my god dog since she was always glued to me and was an amazing hangover friend.  I grabbed a beer from the fridge and started my friday evening; I knew I was drinking because I was hurt and pissed off and just completely helpless in the whole situation.  Leann came out of her room and poured a glass of wine, she was in a great mood which I was pretty happy about because she allowed me a little more space for self loathing without the bitching.  I looked out the window and could see Christian crossing the field; he worked about a football field away from Leann and work just ended.  I love my friends, they never fail to love me unconditionally.  The three of us have become very close and it's the best feeling when you know and feel you belong.

I let Christian in and grabbed him a beer.  The only issue with having close friends is that you can't hide anything from them, they read me fast and never let up.  I told them about Venice Beach and how excited I was to reconnect with Dan and I told them about my plans to change course and how I would be heading to Manhattan instead of to them once a month.  I could see them look at each other and give the look like they know I am leaving something out.  Christian and I have become great friends but unless he is intoxicated he never challenges me about the cop because I have become like a pit bull when I have to defend my stupidity.  Leann on the other hand could care less about how much she ruffles my feathers, she puts her glass down, "so you and Dan reconnected and you're going to be heading to Manhattan on a regular basis.  So why are you sitting here pouting?" I hate discussing the cop with these two, they act like it's so easy to be logical and move on as if my feelings aren't what is holding me back.  I have no choice at this point because they are staring at me like one of those pictures that will pop out at you if you wait long enough.  "He asked to meet me again then cancelled this afternoon".  Christian had become quite protective of me when it came to John and I could see his face flood with redness; Leann on the other hand jumped out of her seat and was instantly into lecture mode.  I just put my hand up to stop the madness, "guys it's not a big deal, he is under no obligation to see me".  Leann will tolerate a lot when it comes to me, defending the cop is not one of those times.  I may have been slightly intoxicated at this time but it felt like the two of them had rehearsed this part of the lecture as they fed off each other.  I put my bottle down and grabbed a pack of smokes off the table and headed to the balcony, I was hoping after a couple of beer I'd be able to have one without looking ridiculous.  Leann was hot on my heels and Christian was right behind her, it was a little amusing since she did the talking and he stood in the corner just agreeing.  I could see anger in Leann and sadness in Christian; he would never treat a woman the way John was treating me and he struggled to understand why someone like me would ever stay and hope for change that was clearly not coming.  The best course of action for me at this point is to agree because they are not wrong and it is highly inappropriate for me to care so much about someone who shouldn't matter in my life.  One day I won't care about John and his games and he won't be able to impact my thoughts and feelings...but that is not today so I grab another beer and head back out to visit with my friends.