Changing Directions VIIII

When I finally woke up I had no idea where I was, I think I should have been scared but any movement would have triggered nausea.  Hmm, no Mya, water or Advil, clearly I am not at Leann's and I barely remember climbing out of a cab singing 'Sweet Caroline'...dear god please don't let there be any footage of me singing karaoke.  I finally sat up and realized I had all my clothes on right down to my boots, relief washed over me.  I made my way out of the room and almost tripped over Christian sleeping in the hallway.  I stepped over him and made my way to the kitchen for water, apparently he doesn't know that I am accustomed to waking to water and Advil...rookie.  I sat at the table and checked my messages and new pictures that I am sure exist from the previous night.  Where the hell is Leann?

John texted that he was back in town, it was followed almost immediately by an angry text for not replying right away.  Who the hell does he think he is?  I just said good morning and decided to leave it at that since I was far too sick to argue with someone who has a switch.  My phone started ringing and 'Robocop' lit up the screen, he has only ever called me two other times and I want to throw up.  "Hello".  "Hey Irish, how was your night?"  I wasn't sure how to answer because everything felt like a trap with him and I know I cannot recall the events of last night.  "It was good, just a little sick this morning".  He was quiet but that was not new, he's calling for something and there is no part of me that believes it will be good news.  "Spit it out cop".  I could hear him sigh, for a cop with a lot of guns he really is a coward when it comes to confrontation with me.  "I have been dating another cop and I get from her what I could never get from you".  Woah! I had to stand up because I'm pretty sure he did not just say that huge lie that fell out of his mouth.  I had to think about this for a minute, he must mean a relationship and he's right I can never give him that even if he did start showing up for our dates.  I had to know and at the very least I was going to make him say it, "which is?"  There was a long silent pause and I imagined it was the time he needed to come up with some lie that I may accept.  "She's understanding about my life and position".  As I listened to this garbage he was spewing I could feel the heat rise in me and I would have shot him with his own gun if he was in front of me.  I could have accepted a lot of other reasons but this one, this is trash and I know now that he is trying to not only hurt me but break me.  Tears were streaming down my face, I was dry heaving and the world was falling out from under me.  What do I do?  I never want to be the woman that tries to convince others to be with me.  "You should move on Natalie".  That was about the only honest sentence I have ever heard him say to me.  "Good luck cop".  I laid on the couch and cried until everything was gone, it's time to move forward...if I found it in him I will see it in others.  I feel that he is running from me for the same reason I am running to him but he will never let me into that corner of his life...I'm alone again and I'm certain he is too.  I grabbed my phone and did the only thing that would help me move forward...I deleted him...