Mastering the Mundane IV

I woke late and scrambled to get my bag packed and all of her things in order before we left for a few days to watch my son in football camp.  She was going to my in laws and I'll be glued to the field for three days.  I was feeling much better these past few days and wouldn't even dive into my own head and ruin it.  

Watching my son play football is my happy place and has been for several years.  I have watched him pour every ounce of himself into this sport and it is breathtaking when he hits the field.  He has become a driven leader that pushes his limits and expects complete dedication from his team; I have watched him grow into an amazing young man through this sport.  The cards have been stacked against him when it comes to football.  His father and I could not play the politics and that left him sometimes without a voice.  He has depended on his dedication and hard work to show coaches what he can do; that has turned him into one of the most versatile players on the field but because of that he has not been able to perfect just one position.  I have no idea where his inner calmness comes from to not fight with coaches on this issue, but it does not come from his parents.  We laugh and joke that he is most like Dan and just flows like liquid.  I imagine he will have to take a lot of back roads to get to play as long as possible and will not be seen as a lock in any university.  He asked me once if hard work always pays off, what could I say? "Of course it does".  I have no idea if that is a lie but I believe for him it will all come to fruition, but I know in my heart it will be a long road.  I remind him that some of the best athletes in the world were never given scholarships and were undrafted...who am I to say otherwise.  If this is his only struggle in life then I am grateful that it is something he is passionate about, I was never this passionate about anything...or maybe I was but can't remember.  When I watch him take the field there is pride I can barely comprehend let alone explain, I wish I could have given that same feeling to my parents. 

I start to feel overwhelmed trying to organize and make her pick just five toys to bring rather than three suitcases.  She is not having any of my back talk about toys so we compromise on anything she can fit in two small suitcases.  I can see how people can pour their lives into their children and get lost; it's easy to concentrate on others especially those we love and forget the importance of our own existence.  I won't fall victim to this, I love my children but it is not their responsibility to make my life full and happy, one day they will grow up and move on with their own lives...then what?  I was standing in the drive way watching her pick and choose her toys and I all I know for sure right now is that when I am with my children I will give them everything I can.  I love being a mother but there is more to me and I have every intention of finding out what that is...I would hate for my children to disappear when they have their own children, they are significant and important in their own right.  It is not up to my children to define me or make me happy...I've got this!