Mastering the Mundane VIII

I woke in the middle of the night from a migraine.  There is something that's just a little sad when your hangovers come from crying and not drinking.  I popped two Advil and chased it with a bottle of water.  I laid back down and prayed that the work I'm doing is that of a caterpillar and when I emerge I'll be a butterfly; I'm starting to have doubts though because I have no idea if I'm gaining ground or losing my mind.  I am sick and tired of constantly inspecting my life and looking for something without knowing what it is...this is feeling tedious and I feel broken down and deflated.  I need a break from my thoughts, I need a distraction.  I climbed out of bed and quietly crept downstairs to the kitchen to retrieve the computer...it's time to escape.

I pulled the blankets back on and rested against the headboard, took a deep breath and registered to the site again.   This time I was looking to meet people, men, in New York City.  The process is awful and I remember how little I cared about it last time, I also remembered how I lied in certain parts and decided it worked well so...why not?  Let me tell you, online dating in a city with just over a hundred thousand people is easy and it starts to look like a community and support group rather than a place to ignite passion and relationships.  I met so many friends last time I tried this and still talk to many of them over messengers and text.  New York on the other hand was out of control, for the first hour I never came across the same profile twice and there must have been over two hundred thousand people online at any given time.  It is quite overwhelming so I decided to hide my picture and just talk to those I feel I could meet or hang out with while in town.  I was no longer surprised by the amount of cops and firemen on these sites, I stayed away and even made it clear on my profile that I am NOT interested in cops...dear god please don't let any talk to me, I have no confidence in myself to be able to stay away.  Thirty six thousand NYPD...what the hell am I thinking making this my destination.

New York is a whole new ball game, there are actors, artists, musicians and politicians...perfect I can lose days swimming with these fish.  The first guy I talked to had great pictures in his profile and looked interesting, at least I knew we had a common interest in art work.  We chatted for a couple hours about ourselves and his art work, he finally sent me the link to his website to check it out.   This guy is not painting pictures in his basement, he has a full studio in Brooklyn and his art sells for tens of thousands of dollars...he's already made it.  This is a little more intimidating than I remember.  Thanks to my brother Trevor I can at least hold my own when talking art...he has introduced me to a few of his artist friends so i am not completely out of my element.   It's funny how I can climb back into my self when I feel like I lack confidence.  There is no reason for me not to continue this conversation, especially since we have so much in common and get along.  I told him a little about my situation, married, kids, work...blah blah blah.  He is well aware of all the important factors and knows that NY will be my playground about every four to six weeks.  The beauty I have found about so many creative people is that they are so open minded and I feel accepted; probably why I married a musician.

I continued to chat with the artist while I read other profiles.  I wonder if the police and America's Most Wanted scroll through these because I am pretty sure we can start checking people off of the list.    This is great for entertainment purposes and I feel relieved knowing that my addiction will help me get through the next ten days.  I think back to Robert, that poor bastard wouldn't stand a chance on here; I hope he found someone to spend time with.  I made a list of people I wanted to chat with next time and logged off.  Since I was up I wanted to make breakfast for Dan before he left for work, that was the best way I could think of to tell him I was back online.