Mastering the Mundane XII

I spent most of the afternoon talking with Mike...from NY.  He was spending his days at the beach leading up to Atlantic City; apparently he had a lot of time on his hands during this time of year, too bad he's not off the days I need him to be.  We exchanged numbers and wasted the day away learning about each other.  I told him my situation almost immediately, I like to lead with it so I'm not wasting anyone else's time.  He said the same thing that so many other's have said, "I wonder if my marriage was open if we would have made it".  I can still remember John saying that exact same thing when we were sitting in the police car the night of our one and only date.  Mike shared that he has been going through a brutal divorce for years now and is trying to move on with his life but she refuses to give an inch and he refuses to give her everything.  I started to feel bad for this man and his unfortunate situation, although I'm trying to remember that this is his side and I will never know the other side.  This is how he feels though, he's hurt, lonely, damaged and broken.  He loved her and wanted to give her everything he could.  He shared that they were together almost ten years but the last three of those were complete chaos and the marriage quickly dissolved.  Mike wanted children and the 'perfect' family, he texted me the most beautiful thing I have heard from a man, "I just want to be a man to a son".  My heart ached for him, he wants what most people do and gave ten years with the promise that their life was heading in that direction...and then just as quickly as it was agreed upon, she pulled the plug and no longer wanted children.  Not long after that he packed his bags and left, his dream of wanting to be a father never died and now he is searching for a woman he can have all of that with.  "Mike why is it so important for you to have a family?"  I was curious as to why having his life resemble his friends lives was so important.  "I never had that growing up.  I have a father and mother but they split up just before I was conceived and I was the result of good bye sex".  He explained how he felt like a constant reminder to his father and his step mother that he shouldn't exist, he felt that way his whole life.  Mike spent a lot of his life trying to blend in rather than stand out in his family with the hopes that he wouldn't be a nuisance to them.  His father worked as a corrections officer in Riker's Island for 34 years and compassion was no longer his strong suit.  He was stuck between two houses where he never felt loved or wanted.  Mike just wants to have the family he never had, he wants to experience what it is like to be a father.  I wonder if he looks back and aches for the little boy he was like I do for the little girl I was.  He wants to have the father and son relationship and since he never had it as the son he wants the chance to be the father his never was.  My heart was breaking for this man, I couldn't imagine if my son felt like that.  I could feel the tears stream down my face and I may have sobbed out loud once or twice.

I finally know what is so familiar about Mike...he has darkness.  I could see it or feel it in John and connected to him instantly but he wouldn't let me in or share.  Mike on the other hand can barely hold it in and emotionally we are very similar...neither on of us has a switch, we have to feel everything. Mike is a better version of John...at least for me.  I think my support group just went international...