The Phoenix V

After weeks of pouring myself into my home life and family it felt relaxing to be standing in line at security knowing in a few hours I'd be walking out of LaGuardia and making my way into the city.  I don't have any guilt around this at all anymore.  Dan and I are simply living differently in our free time.  Long Island Mike emailed me, he was in Australia for a few weeks trying to clear his head and get back on track...whatever that means.  I agreed to meet him at Carmine's in the square for dinner one night since he felt bad for dropping me in Queens the last time we seen each other.  If I so much as feel a slight heart race in my chest I'll run like I'm being chased.  Carl is coming into the city for a night so I made sure to get two beds and tonight I am meeting Vince for a drink in mid-town.  I really enjoy building a life in NY and living out that part of my dream; I know that in time Dan's path will once again merge with mine and he will become a part of this side of my life.  I know there are whispers and questions that will never be asked and the same ones that don't want to offend by asking the questions are the same ones that talk about it to others as if that is less offensive...but that is exactly why I'm cleaning out my rolodex.  Dan and I will climb this mountain and move forward together.  I'm not building a life without him, I'm just setting up my life in NY for when we finally get there.

I was enjoying telling everyone off that whispered and judged me...in my head of course.  I finally pulled myself out and realized my flight was delayed and I already knew that I would miss both my connections.  I stood next to a guy at my gate and watched the time constantly change for the actual departure time.  He looked like he was going to pass out, I smiled at him and offered him a bottle of water, "you okay?"  He nodded, he was about to miss the biggest interview of his career due to weather.  I felt so sad for him, thank goodness the airport serves alcohol for breakfast.  I love that I opened my mind and out popped my free spirit and now I live freely and am able to connect easily with the people around me.  I bought him a beer and he told me all about his work and family; he is an impressive man.  I am truly starting to believe that the people you surround yourself with are a direct reflection of yourself, and the new me, the real, attracts the most interesting amazing people and it's difficult to find anything wrong with my life anymore.