The Phoenix XVIII

I woke feeling refreshed so I made a coffee and jumped in the shower.  My only plan for the day was having a late lunch or early dinner with Vince, but until then, I was going to throw on my running gear and head for the park then walk down the upper west side and have breakfast and coffee.  I loved being out of the heart of Manhattan and in the neighbourhoods wondering around with all the people who were living my dream.

I looked out the windows as I enjoyed my coffee and tried to reconnect to wifi.  The streets were already filling with people and the city never fails to pull me under her spell.  I love the feeling I get when I am in NY and it helps me love being at home too.  I feel a better balance in my life and my soul.  I don't look out my back window anymore wondering 'what now?'; I just took some time in my life to make it mine.  I finally have something that isn't attached to anyone else and I love it, I don't feel guilty for wanting and having a piece of my life.  I think my greatest accomplishment though is no longer caring what others think of my single life.  At some point you have to grow up and realize that we all don't have the same wants and desires nor to we share the same beliefs and that is okay.  For 35 years I tried my hardest to live and look like the 'norm' but I just can't do it and I'm not willing to.  I love my life and every single day I wake up I am exactly where I want to be whether I am next to Dan or in my hotel in Manhattan and I have no shame or guilt in that.  My complete freedom allows me to choose my life every day and watching the routine melt away has been a comfort I can barely explain.  My autopilot is broken and I am completely engaged in every part of my life...I am living the exact life I want.

I grabbed my phone and cancelled lunch with Vince, today I just want to be alone and it's beautiful that this is an option for me.  I reached the lobby and took an apple off the front desk before the doorman held the door for me.  I had the entire day to myself and I think I'll take tomorrow for myself too.  I turned up 7th and made my way to the park dodging tourists and vendors like I had been doing it for years.