The Darkness II

I barely slept last night and was feeling sick from the anxiety this morning.  I laid in the shower and cried, not because I was sad but needed some sort of release of the anxiety and guilt.  I was meeting Mike for lunch and drinks before I headed to the football game with my brothers and I was hoping I would be better company, I'm banking on Heineken helping me along the way.   There is something so uncomfortable about never being able to just live, I'm always in my head and stoking the flames of my misery.  Perhaps my own key is just stepping right into my light..but I can't, not after all of this time.  I laugh at the thought of having Stockholm Syndrome with my darkness.

I finally crawled out of the shower and got ready for the day.  I was meeting Mike in an hour and I wanted to have coffee and get into a better frame of mind before that happened.  I can feel the darkness circling me and I wonder if Mike's own darkness has summoned it.  The thought of it makes me sick because Mike is all I have to share this with and I can't be around him if he can bring about my sadness.  I finished my coffee, applied some gloss, wiped my tears and left for the pub.

Mike was seated at the bar when I walked in and I found a place beside him.  He smelled great and looked even better.  We ordered wings and beer...I instantly missed Dan.  Mike is a Jet's fan but knows little about the game, so I happily took the opportunity to teach him and it is one of my favourite escapes.  We get along so well and I hope we are more supportive than damaging to each other.  We wasted away the afternoon and I was almost sad having to leave to meet my brothers.  We agreed to meet for a night cap after the game as I grabbed my purse and headed back to my hotel.