The Darkness XXI

I didn't count the towns this time on my way home; instead I got brave and decided to venture back into my own head.  I remember being completely fed up with trying to fit in with the people around me only a few months ago.  Wanting a change, wanting to break free of my shame and embarrassment...wanting to be free of my darkness.  Thinking I was trapped by other's views and wondering if I was going to have my own life.  Scared to change, terrified to tell anyone and slowly sliding into madness and a state of nothingness.  Do people live like this?  Are they okay watching the days turn to nights and everyday looking exactly like the last.  How can we not challenge or at least question the lives we live.  Perhaps there are people that sit back and are completely happy with the way they live as if it all panned out the way they envisioned.  I hope there are people like that, I hope I know people like that.  I still don't know the outcome for myself but I know that it will be better than laying in my bathroom throwing up my anxieties and wondering if this is it forever.  Life may not always work out the way I want but I refuse to be content accepting defeat...one foot in front of the other until I get to my life.