The Darkness XXII

It's funny how the picture changes when you are able to reframe it.  Maybe others didn't force me into a box to behave a certain way, maybe I did it to myself as a way to blend in; to hide the shame, fear and embarrassment.  If I put the little girl in the box then perhaps I can let her out; maybe I hold the key but still fear what I'll let out into the open if I do set her free.  They say if you face your fears then you are free of them but I call bullshit on that, I fly all the time and still throw up before every flight.  I have rode several roller coasters and still feel the anxiety in lines as I wait my turn and I still am terrified to swim in the ocean even after being in so much of it.  That little girl represents so much of who I was, dreamed about and the demons that float around and scare me into submission.  If I let her out then I have no one left to blame and if I keep her confined then I have no life left to live...not of quality anyway.  I need her in order to cross the bridge, to be happy and to see a future for myself.  I want her to free because it's the only way that I can be free and move past the nightmares and hurt.  Imagine spending decades latching onto relationships and hoping that one would fill the void and make you feel whole and the entire time that person was locked away inside you with all of your dreams waiting to do just that...