The Darkness IV

After hours of listening to Mike rant about nothing important I left to head back to my hotel and felt completely deflated.  I have no idea what happened or changed, I feel like I missed a few pages of a book or I'm watching a foreign film without the subtitles.  He leaves in a few hours and I can't stop throwing up and retreating to my cage to console the little girl, the very thought of loss brings about my fear and darkness and the cage locks...again.    

I laid in the shower and let the cold water wash over me like punishment for having hope.  I can see my darkness is different than Mike's and it's obvious he feeds his when it all becomes too much; but I'm not innocent because I allow the cage to be locked and guarded...I'm allowed to visit who I am but I am not allowed to show others or let her out.  I can feel him leaving and there is nothing I can do to hold on, darkness is the abusive partner that will isolate you from those that care.  I'm sure he finds comfort being around his family because it allows him to stay in the misery that has become his blanket of comfort.  I turned off the shower and could barely stand, my body was shaking from anxiety and sudden movements sent it into dry heaving. 

I got dressed, tied my hair back and left the room...it was time to say good bye...