The Ashes III

I stayed at Leann's last night but never mentioned John, she already believed I moved on so I didn't share my final experience...thinking I may always keep it to myself.  I mourned the loss of John a long time ago and no matter how much you want a do over, sometimes you just have to accept things and people the way they are.  I laid in bed and to my own amazement I felt amazing and beautiful; growing up is not easy but it is rewarding.  My growth over the past few months was painful, scary and shaky but maybe I was able to succeed because of my supporting cast.  I crawled out of bed and jumped into the shower, I like that I'm strong enough to bounce back and realize that not everything is about me, I'm not the centre of the universe...I was only the centre of my mother's.

I had some coffee and toast with Leann and told her all about Carl and the night I drank with the detectives in Queens...at least my journey is not boring.  I was going to visit my son today and the excitement almost brings me to tears, I love getting lost in his life.  Before I head out for the last time in a long time there is someone I want to say hi to so I grabbed my phone, "Hey Mike, I'm in your beautiful city for a couple of hours if you want to get a coffee".  I don't think I have to say good bye to him, he is another person I met along the way that has only added to my experiences and I like him.  It's funny that I have been collecting people along the way that are amazing, comforting and healthy...as if my soul aches for the nutrition of these people.  Maybe when your head and heart can't agree your soul takes over and finds exactly the supports it needs, whether it's people or forgotten dreams.  "Hey stranger, meet me at the Parliament building for a walk and I'll bring coffee".  I'm a little excited to see him and my clipped wings now seem so strong.