The Dawn XX

Being back in contact with John felt like reconnecting to an old friend.  His love interest couldn't cope with his ex-wife living with him and he wasn't willing to change his situation so a few weeks was all it took for him to re-enter the online dating scene.  We don't fish in the same sea anymore so he had no chance of finding me, although I wonder why he would want to...he never even wanted to cross the street to see me before.  Maybe this time it will be different, maybe he's grown up a little.  I was excited he wanted to talk to me and for a little while I forgot about the glue that binds us...he is dark and I am fighting for my light.

I caught him up on my life and my travels to NY, new friends and experiences.  He was never interested in anything unless it included him but it felt nice to rub a little salt in his wound so I crossed the line from time to time.  I've had a lot of time away from him to gain perspective and I question his authenticity and commitment to our friendship.  Maybe his ego is a little bruised and he's looking for a boost ; I know John likes me but I wonder about his honesty based on his constant vanishing acts.  I'm not the same Natalie and I wonder how much he will like me.  I leave this weekend to go and see Leann and as much as I don't want to tell him...I just need to know, for myself.  "Hey, I'm in your town this weekend and may need a character witness".  He always joked that if I ended up in jail he would stop in to say hi; I was starting to wonder if that would be the only time I would get to see him again...it would be a great follow up to our drunk driving, parking lot screaming fight that was our first date.  "Meet me for a drink, that's all I ask.  Same place".  This is tough because if I agree and he cancels I won't know where to go from there and I question my strength to not get pulled back into his unhealthy gravity.  "I'll go on one condition.  You can't cancel, if something comes up then you just have to leave me sitting there.  I will be there at 9pm on Friday, and I will give you a two hour window, but you cannot cancel".  He agreed, and he is well aware of where I am going with this but regardless of the role you play in my life...I absolutely require a commitment to friendship and mutual respect.  My boundaries are universal and at the end of the day it is up to me to teach you how to treat me...it's time to show up or shut up.