The Dawn IV

It was a pretty dreary day which complimented Mike's mood nicely.  I could slowly see him going the way of Chicago and it made me physically ill.  He talked non stop about his divorce and only stopped long enough to puff on a cigarette.  I could feel my own anxiety start to rise and I know his must be skyrocketing.  I reached over and placed my hand on his, "Mike would you like to take me back to the city?"  Part of me hoped he would say 'no' but I know differently, "yeah I think I should take you back".  I just nodded and looked out the window; I was pissed off but wished I wasn't.

The drive is about forty five minutes and there was no way I was going to be able to contain myself for that long.  I looked out the window and took some deep breaths and felt the warm tears pour out of my eyes...they are not for me.  I could feel him looking at me which only added to my anger, this is crazy and I wish I could jump out and walk.  He reached over to hold my hand but I swatted it away, I don't need him to console me.  "Natalie I'm sorry if my life upsets you".  As soon as the words registered in my brain my mouth ran away before tact had any time to follow.  I wiped my eyes and looked at him in disbelief, I was shocked he didn't know what was wrong...how selfish can he possibly be?  "Mike, I'm not upset about your situation, I'm upset because you can't even be my friend and enjoy my visit.  You're killing yourself over a house that isn't worth half of what you paid for it.  I'm pissed because you wallow in this shit when you could easily walk away and be happy".  The tears were flowing like a faucet and I started to feel sick, what a joke.  This whole time I thought his issue was his father and ex-wife and now a lot of his anxiety is derived from a house he may lose in the divorce.  I would have punched him in the face if I thought we wouldn't crash.  I can't believe anyone would hold on to so much negativity over something that can replaced easily; I'm sure there is an emotional connection but I don't care anymore and want to get to my hotel.

He pulled up to the doors at my hotel and I jumped out and slammed the door; I didn't even look back...there was no point because he likes his misery and I won't entertain it anymore.  I logged onto my computer and set up a lunch date for tomorrow and made reservations at a hotel in Manhattan because Queens didn't feel like home.  I found a pub near by and waited for the football game to start...