The Dawn XIV

I arrived home late but without my old friend anxiety so it was a win.  Mike and I emailed a little while I was still in the city but I was so irritated with him that I pushed him out of my head most days.  I couldn't believe that he would just drop me in Queens and never feel the need to drive into the city to see me, as if Manhattan is home to me.  I plan to put strict boundaries on my friendship with him because the reality is that if I don't then he will continuously summon my darkness and I have no desire to ever look that in the face again.  After meeting and spending time with Carl I felt refreshed and strong, the darkness doesn't always win.  If I keep surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about me without judgement then I will win, and my confidence is building as I find people like Carl.  One day I will look back on this chapter and know it was a defining time in my life to shape me into the woman I know exists deep inside of me.  I have a vision of the woman I love and respect and ache to be, someone my children and husband will be proud of...she is strong, confident and driven.  When I see her in the mirror...then I know I am on the other side of the bridge...until then, it's eyes forward.