The Dawn XVI

Home life was different these days and I was happy to feel...well...happy.  Football season for my son wrapped up and it made my heart sink watching him complete another chapter in his young life; he'll still play football, but not in high school.  He's becoming this amazing man and I am proud to be able to say I am his mother.  He has training right away for the Texas team and he's already focused on university.  I used to say that the best thing I ever did for my son was leave him with his father, I believe that now more than ever except now it's not felt with crippling sadness but with relief.  My darkness used to be able to make me fold into myself and feel an incredible amount of guilt but now I know that I loved him more than myself and acted in his best interest even when it killed me to do so...and that to me is a mark of a great parent...doing what is best for your child regardless of how it impacts yourself.  My darkness cannot hold my son against me anymore because every time I look in his eyes I see a whole person and I never left him, I just gave myself an honest shot at being a good mom and person...and I am.  As I start to break down all my old beliefs and build up my new fortress of honest, real thoughts and beliefs I can feel the shackles hit the ground and the darkness retreats.