The Phoenix I

Monday morning therapy doesn't exist anymore, at least not in the capacity it used to.  Now it looks like breakfast and time for just the two of us.  It almost looked like our lives a few years ago, but it was deceiving because that Dan and Natalie no longer exist...and that's not a bad thing.  We're learning about our each others separate lives and maneuvering through our new marriage; the one thing that never changed was the relief I feel knowing I have Dan to help me.  I leave for New York in a couple of weeks and I can feel a twinge of guilt but have no issue chasing it away like an unwelcome guest.  The ghost feelings still linger but that's out of habit....feeling like I am wrong so accepting the negative feelings like penance.

It's funny as you walk through life how things change when you turn off your auto pilot and pay attention.  I enjoy my life and the people in it far more today then I could ever remember, and my life looks nothing like theirs...and that's okay.  Now when I look out my window I never wonder how I will have it all and do it all, I just live the life I want and surround myself with people who support and resect my journey rather than slide away because my life is no longer a comfortable experience for them.  Once the autopilot is turned off then the blissfulness of ignorance is gone and the dreamer returns.  It's your life and you can either stand on your step too afraid to step off into the unknown or you can swan dive knowing that you're at least chasing the life you want...the end result is always death...choose your journey...