The Dawn XV

I was excited to wake and made sure I was up and preparing breakfast before Dan got out of bed...I was looking forward to Monday morning therapy and seeing my beautiful husband.  I made coffee, started the eggs and threw bread in the toaster.  I grabbed my phone and texted Mike, the cop, "hey officer, long time no talk.  Hope all is well".  I then texted Carl to thank him again for an amazing time in NY and put my phone away...Dan will get my undivided attention and I could hardly wait for him to see light in my eyes.

He looked exhausted when he came around the corner and although he always looks amazing, I could tell he was feeling a bit run down...I know it is because of his wife and her selfish ways.  I took a deep breath and decided not to think about it too deeply, maybe he just had a bad sleep.  I poured him a coffee and brought it to him at the island.  He always flashes me that brilliant smile as if he never gets tired of looking at me.  I'm not ignorant to the fact that because of him I am able to live out a variation of my dream and now that I am comfortable in my head it is time I started acting like I was on a team.  It's true that I believe I have every right to live the life I want but the reality is that it may be a variation and not the exact vision...and I am okay with that now.  I don't want to be happy at the expense of my family, I want to be happy along side of them and I am working on it every single day.   On the flight home yesterday I came to the conclusion that although I want so desperately to be a writer in NYC, I don't want to do it if Dan can't enjoy it too...I was relieved to know I am still in love with him.  I used to get so lost in my thoughts, fears, worries and pain I almost forgot how disconnected I could become.  A variation of my dream isn't a bad thing at all, I view it now as a way to get a taste of the real thing and let that motivate me to achieve; having a goal gives me purpose and something to look forward to for myself...it is mine.  I do not for one second believe that Laura's magic pills made me grateful, I believe that Dan's patience and kindness allowed me to fill the void I had when I was too scared to live my own life.

I sat beside him, squeezed his hand and kissed his face...my therapy can wait, I want to hear all about his last few days...