The Ashes V

I made it to the field house to watch my son throw the ball around and I so easily slip away from my world and into his; grateful that over the years I have become the perfect non-traditional mother.  He has always made it easy for me, like his soul was created to help me become a mother.  I'm starting to have a very real feeling that some things in life are orchestrated to help us become who we are.  I know longer apologize for being different, I know longer care that my life doesn't look like yours and to be completely honest...I thank the universe everyday for making me different.  I threw out my shame and embarrassment like the trash it is, it doesn't have a place in my life and I'm sick and tired of carrying it around like it's part of me.  If my life and choices make you uncomfortable then that's an issue you need to work out but there is no fucking way I am changing myself to suit you for even one more day...I'm barely watching what I say anymore.  Each step I take across that bridge brings out the strong, confident woman I ache to be and I can see the look in Dan's eyes with every change that evolves within me...he's in love and proud.  That man has nurtured my soul and craziness from day one, and he may have grown up traditional but he is anything but that.  The musician in him aches to break free and that part of Dan holds his soul and desires...like my writing does for me.  He always teased that we are modern day hippies and I'm starting to see that we are, and it's beautiful.

I used to think that John and Mike, from Long Island, made me feel like I wasn't alone but that's not true...it's Dan that makes me feel less alone, I just needed the clarity to see it.  My darkness retreats more and more everyday and when I add people like Carl and Mike, the cop...it makes my walk even easier.  My strength is finally coming from within myself and come hell or high water, whether you like me or not...the next years will never resemble my last years.  If you don't like or agree with my non-monogamous, non-traditional life then just know this....I don't fucking care, this is my life and it's about time I started living like it!

I looked over and seen him complete a pass then rush down for a block...am I allowed to cheer at a tryout?  Fuck it...I'm gonna cheer.  As long as I am not infringing on others rights then I have every right to live the life I want and do it unapologetically!