Changing Directions III

Everything seemed easier with my son around, we have so much in common and hang out like long lost friends.  Maybe this is how people do it day in and day out, they just pay no attention to what is going on inside them and focus solely on others; unfortunately my inner voices scream at me for change and they will not be silenced because of a few weeks of abandonment.  It's funny how life can take on a direction of it's own when left to wonder...I find myself wishing mine had wondered into a law school.

I feel bad whenever I wish that something was different in my life.  I always hear people say well if this or that was different then maybe you wouldn't have what you do now; like if I went to law school then my children wouldn't exist or maybe I wouldn't be married to Dan.  It seems silly to feel guilty wondering how different my life would be if the darkness never existed or if I was strong enough to just follow the path I wanted.  I love my husband and children, I wish I had the same love for myself and my dreams.  That has to change, I have to matter and I have to be a priority to myself.  I'm starting to feel better now that I am changing directions and I feel motivated and excited.

I finished my coffee and went upstairs to see the kids and see what they wanted to do today, I found her sitting beside him and they were both singing 'let it go, let it go', she had her hands in the air and he was playing along.  They make me laugh because regardless of the age difference and distance between them they have a natural love and bond...I am so lucky and blessed...